i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
pray to the hookup gods
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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