You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
