Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
