i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
