its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
