its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
pray to the hookup gods
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
my liver is dry heaving
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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