when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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