I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's blow job season.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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