I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
