I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
