Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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