the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
