i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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