I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
