booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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