i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
