i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
