the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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