do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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