I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Randomize
