I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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