And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
