her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
