we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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