I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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