Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
