dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
