Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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