I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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