I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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