She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
