There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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