hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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