dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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