you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're like the curious george of whores
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
