U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
