First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
