so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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