The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
