I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
