Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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