There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
