There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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