apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Enjoy the penises
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
