Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
