I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
