he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
