So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
