what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
