I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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