if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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