a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
