i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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