i need an iv and a liver transplant
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
