My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
