every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
